Adopting with my eyes wide open...a new resolve!

If you've spent anytime around me lately then you know I've gone a little wonky. Yes, we're adopting and yes, I've become a little preoccupied and anxious (okay, so maybe obsessed and anxious would better define my personality traits as of late). I've been trying to settle in during this next phase of waiting and have been struggling...very much! I'm not pleasant to be around and I know it. Ugh!

But...


I am making a new resolve! I've already talked it out with God and almost feel obligated to talk it out with you too...(who are you???) :)

Maybe it was the Sunday sermon about Abraham's faith, or maybe it was the forgotten stanza of the old hymn "Great is Thy faithfulness" that talks about "strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow" or maybe it happened when I opened my iTalk to God app on my phone and saw this...

"After these things the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision, saying, Do not fear Abram, I am a shield to you; Your reward shall be very great."                           - Genesis 15:1
Followed by "God gives you a shield of faith. This shield protects you by extinguishing all flaming arrows from the enemy, including what is making you fearful.

And then I saw this...

"Do not fear them, for the LORD your God is the one fighting for you."         -Deuteronomy 3:22
Followed by "Moses reminded Joshua that God will fight the battle for the Promised Land. You have God on your side. Does your anxious situation stand a chance? No." 

Or yet maybe I found this new resolve when I was raking leaves and under the leaves was a rock...that jumped out at me because it looked exactly like a heart!

Seriously...when you open your eyes and look all around, God is everywhere! I think we tune Him out with our self absorbed tendencies and (a lot of times) self imposed problems. Why do I/we do that!?!

Back to this new resolve. From this point forward (and in all honesty probably with a few slip ups) I am resolving to quit being a basket case and to look for Him...everywhere...to seek after Him. To find my strength and happy place in Him.

Quitting

I need to quit reading into things. I need to quit obsessing. I need to quit fretting. I need to quit wondering "what if". I need to quit trying to make this adoption process fit into my wants/needs and timeframes. I need to quit allowing satan to trip me up and getting me to take my eyes off the one that deserves my attention.

Starting

I need to start enjoying the here and now (because we aren't promised tomorrow anyway). I need to start looking up (and all around) at Him. I need to have full confidence and faith that God hears my prayers and knows what is best for me. He loves me. My husband keeps telling me that sometimes it's not satan that is tripping us up, sometimes it's God allowing a situation to happen in our lives to see how we handle it. Epic fail on my part because I've been handling things...not so well. I've been sad, I've attached myself to my phone so I can check my email every 5 minutes, I've talked endlessly about how hard this wait is and most importantly, I've not been growing the way I should be. Through this adoption so many wonderful things have happened yet I've dwelled on the negative. Shame on me. I need to spend more time reading God's word and more time talking to Him. I need to soak up each and every moment of this life...especially with my husband and kids and I need to hug my pugs often.

To sum up this resolve (or rant)...

We will get that call (or email) that allows us to move onto the next step. We will get a court date. We will come up with enough money to pay for the two trips. We will fly over there and meet our unbelievably sweet daughter and LORD willing, we will bring her home...all in His time.