Adopting with my eyes wide open...a new resolve!

If you've spent anytime around me lately then you know I've gone a little wonky. Yes, we're adopting and yes, I've become a little preoccupied and anxious (okay, so maybe obsessed and anxious would better define my personality traits as of late). I've been trying to settle in during this next phase of waiting and have been struggling...very much! I'm not pleasant to be around and I know it. Ugh!

But...


I am making a new resolve! I've already talked it out with God and almost feel obligated to talk it out with you too...(who are you???) :)

Maybe it was the Sunday sermon about Abraham's faith, or maybe it was the forgotten stanza of the old hymn "Great is Thy faithfulness" that talks about "strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow" or maybe it happened when I opened my iTalk to God app on my phone and saw this...

"After these things the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision, saying, Do not fear Abram, I am a shield to you; Your reward shall be very great."                           - Genesis 15:1
Followed by "God gives you a shield of faith. This shield protects you by extinguishing all flaming arrows from the enemy, including what is making you fearful.

And then I saw this...

"Do not fear them, for the LORD your God is the one fighting for you."         -Deuteronomy 3:22
Followed by "Moses reminded Joshua that God will fight the battle for the Promised Land. You have God on your side. Does your anxious situation stand a chance? No." 

Or yet maybe I found this new resolve when I was raking leaves and under the leaves was a rock...that jumped out at me because it looked exactly like a heart!

Seriously...when you open your eyes and look all around, God is everywhere! I think we tune Him out with our self absorbed tendencies and (a lot of times) self imposed problems. Why do I/we do that!?!

Back to this new resolve. From this point forward (and in all honesty probably with a few slip ups) I am resolving to quit being a basket case and to look for Him...everywhere...to seek after Him. To find my strength and happy place in Him.

Quitting

I need to quit reading into things. I need to quit obsessing. I need to quit fretting. I need to quit wondering "what if". I need to quit trying to make this adoption process fit into my wants/needs and timeframes. I need to quit allowing satan to trip me up and getting me to take my eyes off the one that deserves my attention.

Starting

I need to start enjoying the here and now (because we aren't promised tomorrow anyway). I need to start looking up (and all around) at Him. I need to have full confidence and faith that God hears my prayers and knows what is best for me. He loves me. My husband keeps telling me that sometimes it's not satan that is tripping us up, sometimes it's God allowing a situation to happen in our lives to see how we handle it. Epic fail on my part because I've been handling things...not so well. I've been sad, I've attached myself to my phone so I can check my email every 5 minutes, I've talked endlessly about how hard this wait is and most importantly, I've not been growing the way I should be. Through this adoption so many wonderful things have happened yet I've dwelled on the negative. Shame on me. I need to spend more time reading God's word and more time talking to Him. I need to soak up each and every moment of this life...especially with my husband and kids and I need to hug my pugs often.

To sum up this resolve (or rant)...

We will get that call (or email) that allows us to move onto the next step. We will get a court date. We will come up with enough money to pay for the two trips. We will fly over there and meet our unbelievably sweet daughter and LORD willing, we will bring her home...all in His time.

Adoption...a little of our story

Adoption. It's hard. It just is. But...it's going to be worth it, that I am certain of.

I thought maybe it was time to give a little background about us and how we came to the decision to adopt. We are in our (upper) forties, we have two grown sons and we aren't completely crazy like some think. Most people in our situation (age, adult children, etc) are anxiously looking forward to the empty nest and all the freedom that comes along with it. Not us (obviously), no, we find ourselves with some more parenting left in us. I need to tell you that we didn't just wake up one morning and think it was a good idea to adopt at our age. It is actually something that God placed on our hearts a number of years ago. There has always been a desire to add to our family but a few unfortunate circumstances prevented us from doing so. A number of years ago we started supporting orphans in her country through an organization that we still support to this day. It really opened our eyes to the need. In April of 2012 we decided to step out on faith and start the adoption process. Adding a small child to our life is going to be a big adjustment and we couldn't be more excited! Like I said before, adoption is hard...on so many levels; the emotional ups and downs, the constant wondering if someone will say no and shut the whole thing down, the waiting...oh the waiting...if you've adopted you understand, if you haven't it's impossible to explain. We are still months away from flying across the ocean and bringing her home. We have a few hurdles left to jump but it feels like it's getting a little closer...like it might actually happen. Her room is ready, our hearts are more than ready and the pugs wonder daily when she's going to get here already. I'd love to share more details but we don't want to take any chances so we choose to  be guarded...for now. Someday we'll be able to blast pictures all over this little blog and on facebook...someday soon hopefully.